Editing a cover letter

Editing comes in many forms, and this afternoon I've been working on a cover letter for a former student whose internship I supervised a year ago. Here's the advice (with enough removed or changed so the letter writer can't be identified).

Dear________,

That's as good as most cover letters I've seen in a lifetime of reading them. The only thing that seriously worried me was "I thrive off vivacity." I don't know what that means, but it sounds like someone who may not be as serious about the job as I'd like. Let the receptionist be vivacious and perky---you're a serious professional. (That's not a slam at receptionists, who are supposed to be cheery---the jobs are just different.)

I could have stopped there, but got interested (and challenged) to figure out what I'd want to see if I were an employer reading your letter. I've sent you back a tightly edited version that's about a third shorter than the original. Here's why.

A cover letter is read very quickly. It needs to be short, to the point, and not repeat much of the resume. It should avoid anything (anything!) that might make the reader think "Hmmm" or worse, "Ho-hum." It should showcase one or two strong points. It should focus on the job, not use "I" too many times, and not appear to be straining.

In your letter, I cut some of the secondary school newspaper jobs. They're on the resume, as is the name of the newspaper. I've highlighted the editor-in-chief job and its management function---fill in the size of your staff. I've really highlighted the Pulliam Internship; you may not have known you were one of 60 applicants, but you were. That's impressive.

I cut out "recent graduate." The employer can figure that out from your resume---don't give her a chance to think "Oh gosh, another beginner" when she reads the letter. Don't mention Macintosh or even computer skills in the letter---that's all on the resume. Everybody has computer skills these days, and the reader of the letter may not be a Mac person. Give the salary figures, if requested, but keep them simple. The HSPA provided $3,000 for the summer. Your school-newspaper pay worked out simply to $140 a week. Avoid clunky terms like "biweekly stipend." Don't put up signposts for the reader: "As you can see in my resume." If you do the cover letter well, she'll read the resume. Just say boldly that you're well-organized, task-oriented, and a good time manager. Which you are.

Write in the active voice. Avoid anything that might sound like gush, i.e., "I am very excited about the array of opportunities available in the magazine industry." No, you're interested in only one opportunity, the one you're applying for. Also, experienced writers and editors almost never use "very"---it's a weak intensifier that undercuts good writing. Proofread the letter several times, and then have someone else read it. One typo kills your chances. I put the publication's name in italics---shows you know style.

One touch that would make the letter still better---can you legitimately say, "I've read your magazine, and it would be a pleasure, etc."? I'm always impressed if an applicant has actually read my publication---most haven't.

If the letter is well-crafted, the reader will have gotten through it without any red flags being raised, and with a sense that you're a professional who writes well. The letter isn't wordy. It reflects calm assurance, not self-congratulation. Then when she goes on to your resume, she'll think, "Wow, that was really a good letter for someone who just graduated," and you have your foot in the door. You still may lose out to someone with five years of on-the-job experience, but the employer will remember you.

One final thing. If there's anything you don't like about the way I've edited this, or if you feel it doesn't sound like you, then change it. I'm giving you general principles of cover-letter writing, not a magic formula. And I could be wrong on some things. The current wisdom may be against addressing the recipient as "Dear Ms. ______." I still like that personal touch, but it's not a big deal.

When you're hired, and you will be, let me know.

All the best,

Bill